so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
