literally had 100 drinks last night.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
