She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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