remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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