Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
