My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
