Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
