Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
