I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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