i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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