sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
