I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
