im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
