I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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