Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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