the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
