i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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