Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
There was a lot of him and a little penis
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
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