when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
