Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize