the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
