I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
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And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
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He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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