it was like his penis was on wheels.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
