my phone cant type all the emotion im having
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
