Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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