Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
