omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
