dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
