is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
