I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
