I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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