im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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