I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
