This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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