I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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