i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
