i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
