At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
