I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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