: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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