We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
zippers are such a cool invention
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
