you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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