I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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