You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
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Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
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not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
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