Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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