ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Michael Bay diarrhea
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
