im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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