I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
It's never too late to be topless.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
