Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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