I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
