I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
