I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
