dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
