I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
