Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
