You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
