My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Randomize
