omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
