I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
