at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
