I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
