Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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