just tell him i said nine months
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
