i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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