There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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