u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
