im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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