tonight lets celebrate not being married
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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