Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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