my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
