I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
