If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
