I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
