I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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