I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
