Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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