For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
