I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
