Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
