If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
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