I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
