we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
